He is gone

Scotty passed away around 5:00 am on Monday September 19th.  I was able to hop in that little uncomfortable hospital bed with him and lay my head on his chest until he took his last breath.  He went without a fight.  He looked so handsome and peaceful.  The kids are doing OK.  Jackson (who just turned 2 years old) has no clue and I think that is better.  Carson (will be 4 at the end of this month) knows we are sad and knows Daddy is in heaven but I really don't think he understands how permanent it is.  Madison is broken.  She wants her Daddy back and I can't give that to her.  She asks a lot of questions about heaven, she wants to know if he can do somersaults and headstands on the clouds.  She seems most concerned about being tired.  She feels if Daddy lays down on the clouds and wiggles and  rolls around he will fall off.  She wants to know what Jesus is cooking for dinner.  We took the kids with Scotty's nieces and nephews to the park to release balloons to heaven so Daddy could catch them and feel loved.  It was so beautiful seeing the balloons be released and watch them float away until they couldn't be seen anymore. It was a spiritual moment for me.  Later in the evening Madison asked me if she thought Daddy caught the balloons yet, I assured her that he was smiling seeing them all come up.  She would not release her balloons.  She held on to them and still has them in her room.  She will release them when she is ready to let go.  I love my family and miss my husband.  My heart is empty but I have gratitude for all the blessings in my life and I know that Heavenly Father will continue to bless me in my life.

Services will begin Friday Evening with a viewing at the Farewell Funeral Home located at 660 W. Locust Suite 101 in Fresno.

Graveside Service will be Saturday at the Clovis Cemetary on the corner of Villa / Herndon

A celebration of Scotty's life will follow at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Gettysburg building (Gettysburg / Peach).