True Love

I am so glad I was able to get ahold of these pictures today.  I am truly speechless about the amount of love I have for this sweet sweet man who I call my husband.  My heart aches and is empty right now.  We miss you Daddy.  

Schedule of Services

Viewing - Friday from 5-8 at the Farewell Funeral Home located at 660 W. Locust Ave. Suite 101 (Located behind WalMart at Herndon / Ingram)

Graveside Service Saturday 10:00am at the Clovis Cemetary located at 305 N. Villa (Herndon / Villa)

Celebration of Life Saturday 11:00 am at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Gettysburg Building located on Gettysburg Ave near Peach in Clovis.

Lunch immediately following.

A memorial Fund has been set up for Scott's children's college educations at Educational Employees Credit Union.  

He is gone

Scotty passed away around 5:00 am on Monday September 19th.  I was able to hop in that little uncomfortable hospital bed with him and lay my head on his chest until he took his last breath.  He went without a fight.  He looked so handsome and peaceful.  The kids are doing OK.  Jackson (who just turned 2 years old) has no clue and I think that is better.  Carson (will be 4 at the end of this month) knows we are sad and knows Daddy is in heaven but I really don't think he understands how permanent it is.  Madison is broken.  She wants her Daddy back and I can't give that to her.  She asks a lot of questions about heaven, she wants to know if he can do somersaults and headstands on the clouds.  She seems most concerned about being tired.  She feels if Daddy lays down on the clouds and wiggles and  rolls around he will fall off.  She wants to know what Jesus is cooking for dinner.  We took the kids with Scotty's nieces and nephews to the park to release balloons to heaven so Daddy could catch them and feel loved.  It was so beautiful seeing the balloons be released and watch them float away until they couldn't be seen anymore. It was a spiritual moment for me.  Later in the evening Madison asked me if she thought Daddy caught the balloons yet, I assured her that he was smiling seeing them all come up.  She would not release her balloons.  She held on to them and still has them in her room.  She will release them when she is ready to let go.  I love my family and miss my husband.  My heart is empty but I have gratitude for all the blessings in my life and I know that Heavenly Father will continue to bless me in my life.

Services will begin Friday Evening with a viewing at the Farewell Funeral Home located at 660 W. Locust Suite 101 in Fresno.

Graveside Service will be Saturday at the Clovis Cemetary on the corner of Villa / Herndon

A celebration of Scotty's life will follow at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Gettysburg building (Gettysburg / Peach).

Some of my favorite pics from our journey together.

Our Wedding Day January 5, 2004

Just look at the way his son looks at him.  He loves his Daddy

Family trip to Morro Bay July 2011

Madison and Daddy have a special bond, always have

Circus Fun  august 2011

The day Scotty popped the question at Disneyland of course

1 year wedding anniversary

The very first time he held his Madison.  He has been crazy about her since day 1

Only Scotty could get her to laugh so young, I tried and tried.  It was a gift only Daddy could give her.

 o

An even harder entry

Scotty has suffered more strokes and will not make a recovery.  He fought a very hard battle and fought it with dignity.  He has done everything humanly possible.  The doctors have never seen this type of illness (leukemia) attack the body by having multiple strokes.  He has had more since his latest MRI.  I was able to hold his hand and he would squeeze my hand or twirl my wedding ring.  It gave me comfort that he could give me something.  Now that is not possible.  We requested that they move him from the ICU and into a private room.  He does not have his heart rate, respiration rate, oxygen saturation level, temperature monitored.  He doesn't have nurses poking him to check his blood sugar, give him multiple medicines.  He is able to lay next to his wife and have his family by his bedside reminiscing and telling stories about Scotty.  He is being comforted and we just wait for heavenly father to call him home.  He is peaceful and quiet, he is in no pain.  We have been listening to silly  music, things that he loved to listen to.  He is ready to go to heaven and be with his savior.  I know I have to let him go.  Scotty you have blessed my life in so many ways and I can not tell you enough how much I love you.  I am grateful for this quiet sabbath day that I have been able to spend with my loving husband.  I promise to stay here next to his bedside until he is ready to go.  We don't know when it will be but it will be a spendid moment when Scotty gets to walk with Jesus and be at peace.

a very hard update to write

I need to keep everyone updated, but to type all of this is very emotional for me.  Scott was transferred to ICU Thursday morning.  He suffered multiple strokes and is still fighting for his life.  He is unable to move his right arm, has vision impairments (they think his left eye is completely blind and his right one only sees shadows) and has cognitive impairments as well.  His frontal lobe of his brain was damaged.  I am dealing with this the best way I know how.  I am trying to stay strong and positive but am really just crumbling on the inside.  The doctors thought the leukemia spread to his spinal column and brain.  Good news from his oncologist today revealed that there weren't any leukemia cells in his brain and his central nervous system.  The stroke was caused by a tear in the left carotid artery of his neck.  They are unaware of the cause of the tear and are doing further testing to determine the cause.  He has a lot of people rooting for him and supporting us.  His mood differs, sometimes he is just relaxed and very unresponsive, other times he is able to respond with a very short answer "yes" "no" "yeah" "cool".  I want so badly for him to able to make a complete recovery and I am praying that will happen but we know he will suffer the effects the rest of his life.  He is getting the best care possible and has some wonderful doctors and nurses.  I would never wish this on anyone.  I thank God for each day that I have with mu husband and my babies.  Please do not take a single day for granted, do not complain about the little things in life because in an instant your life could be stomped on and crushed and mine has this week.

Back in the Hospital :(

Tuesday morning Scotty woke up with a headache.  He didn't think much of it, headaches aren't too rare.  He took a couple of tylenols but the headache wouldn't go away.  After awhile he noticed that his headache was getting worse and he was getting double vision.  He called the doctor and got an appointment scheduled.  He went to the doctor and the doctor was concerned that there may be some bleeding on the brain.  His left eye was unable to track very well and the pupil was large.  He called the ambulance and decided that would be the safest way to transport him to the Emergency Room to get a CT and MRI scheduled.  I was working when all of this happened so I wasn't able to get here until after he was already in CT.  The doctors performed numerous tests and exams.  Both the CT and the MRI showed no masses in the brain and no hemorrhaging or bleeds on the brain.  Well I guess that was good news.  The bad news was now Scott's eye was looking worse, hard to open and the excruciating pain of the headache that would not go away.  His Face was now numb and he was very nauseous.  The doctors did some lab work and thought that it was time for a blood transfusion.  They admitted him to the hospital about 7:00 Tuesday night.  He received 2 units of platelets and 1 units of red blood cells.  He also received an injection to help boost his white blood cells.  All night long he was unable to sleep due to the pain in his head.  I felt so helpless, he lay there in pain and no drugs seemed to help. He started running a fever, the cause is unknown.  Doctor Haseeb, Scott's oncologist came in this morning to check things out.  He was happy there were no bleeds on the brain, We all were.  He was concerned because with this type of Leukemia it often spreads into the spinal fluid and attacks the central nervous system and lining of the brain.  He thought it would be wise to start chemotherapy precautions and start chemo via a spinal tap today.  They did the procedure and were able to draw out some fluid to send to the lab to analyze.  Scott's neurologist also ordered an MRI of his neck to ensure that there was no blockage in his arteries preventing blood from getting to the brain. All while this is happening Scott is losing control of his face muscles.  Three of the six cranial nerves are being affected that is what is causing the eye problems, double vision, numb face and limited movement of the mouth. Now we sit, still in pain and not much relief waiting for answers.  Answers if the leukemia has spread to the Central Nervous Systerm, answers if he has any infections in his brain, answers to how to get rid of this pain.  We are praying and taking this one step at a time.  There is so much to process and this has happened so fast that I don't know where to start.  I am thankful for this day because it is a gift from God.  My husband is still here and is getting the help he needs.  I miss my children, haven't seen them through all of this because Scott needs me here with him.  I am hoping to sneak away tomorrow and go watch Madison run in her Jog a thon at school tomorrow if Scott is stable enough.  Thank you everyone for your love, support and prayers.

another update

Please be patient with the slow updates, life has been busy for us.  Scotty is still home, doing allright.  He is trying to rest and stay upbeat.  I will be honest we both have our good and bad days.  Scotty was able to do another chemo treatment on Friday in his doctors office.  It made the weekend pretty crummy.  That on top of super duty steroids didn't make for too good a weekend but we will be done with steroids tomorrow and hopefully he will be feeling better.  Scotty's labwork was really low on Friday.  We know that all his blood cells are expected to be bad because of the kind of cancer and the chemotherapy.  We are hoping that it gets better soon.  As his blood gets better I think he will be feeling better.  I am sure if it gets worse we will be recieving blood transfusions.  We are still waiting approval from insurance on two injections that should have been done last week (GRRRR!!) and hopefully that will be done tomorrow.    We have a doctor appointment on Wednesday to check in.  Basically we are just waiting for time to pass so we can do another bone marrow biopsy to see if we have reached remission status.  (Fingers crossed)  I am so very grateful to everyone who has helped cook us meals, furnished gift cards for restaurants (can't wait to use them), picked up my kids and took care of them for me, came to clean the house, take care of our dog and just visit.  I am so grateful and can not say thank you enough.  The help has been very appreciated.  Thanks again.